To Gather

Believe it or not, I am already expanding my knowledge of Italian and my

lingua

classes haven’t even begun yet! Many of the people in Urbino speak little if any English so I’m having to use as many gestures and crude forms of decision making with

si

and

no

. But I’m doing the best I can and learning as I go!

Today we had our first music classes with the Crafts where we got to study the Italian and English translations of our choral pieces and later our arias. We also did some acting coaching and worked with the Francois Delsarte acting movement technique, which was later the foundation for Martha Graham's dance method. I can't wait to start our language classes and my first voice lesson tomorrow! So many exciting things!

There are some downsides to living in a small mountainside town in Italy. (Very few…) First of all, the buses don’t run until 2:30 in the afternoon on Sundays and most stores are closed. Now I for one, don’t see this so much as a downside because I see the benefit of giving workers the morning off to go to mass or rest with their families. Now I wasn’t quite sure how to walk myself up the hills to town, nor did I quite know where to locate a mass in English. So instead, Lizzie, Rachel, and I had our own service in my hotel room. Humble but powerful. We spent an hour or so refreshing our souls with prayer and thanksgiving. For Jesus promised us in Matthew 18:20, “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” We encouraged and challenged one another as in Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” We read aloud from the Word together and watched as it convicted and encouraged us in different ways, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12)

We finished in prayer for one another, the trip, and by a reading of Psalm 27, or the Psalm of the day. As usual, the Lord knew exactly what I needed to hear and wow does he have a way of getting me to listen. I was challenged to truly see Him every day and say, “Your face, Lord, I do seek.” In the next verse the psalmists says, “Hide not your face from me.” Hiding in Biblical text usually means to be ashamed. When Adam and Eve were in the garden the Word says they were aware of their nakedness and immediately felt the need to cover themselves in shame. “And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool

of the day, and the man and his wife HID THEMSELVES from the PRESENCE of the LORD God among the trees of the garden.” (Genesis 3:8) They were conscience of their sin and they then felt shame for being naked which led to the first of many games of “hide and seek” with the Lord.

I wonder how many times I’ve fled the Lord’s presence because of my shame or guilt. How often would I rather hide then be healed. I believe the lie that because I am broken I am worthless. If you’ve ever felt the same, let me share with you a little secret… The Kingdom of God is full of broken people not perfect people. Heaven isn’t full of good people and hell full of bad people. Heaven is full of FORGIVEN people.

That’s all I really have to share today… The Lord is doing some wonderful things here, oh and then there’s AFTER the sunrise!

Pesaro and His Presence

Well the past couple days have been an adventure let me tell you! First two days at the hotel and I’ve crashed every night from exhaustion. (That or the three course dinners served every night at the hotel) Friday was filled with touring Urbino with one of my instructors. We got the lay of the land and learned how to ride the bus, which is a bit complicated if you’re wondering. I’ve now spotted three bookstores within walking distance of my music school and I want to get my hands on every single book. The coffee and gelato is of course incredible! I’m trying to venture from my dark chocolate flavor into pomegranate and stracciatella. All are 12/10 will recommend to a friend!

This morning we woke up and took shifts working in the practice rooms in the music building. Now this building isn’t like your typical practice rooms, but just an actual stone building with 4 rooms and a piano in each room. It’s ancient and has been used as Urbino’s music building for years by many singers. Makes for an inspiring place to focus on my pieces. I got to work with my duet partner, a mezzo who teaches voice at a college. I felt so much more confidence in my role after singing with her and I can’t wait to start singing on Monday!! Tomorrow we will work through our choral pieces for the first time. The school is gorgeous and walking through the halls with the live acoustics of the old building, combined with that enchanting smell, was delightful.

After a quick sip of caffe, we jumped on a bus out of town to Pesaro and the beach! Pesaro is the birthplace of Rossini which was kind of exciting! Of course we were

those

tourists who took pictures outside of everything that even remotely hinted Rossini. (I even took a selfie with the life size portrait mounted on his house. No shame.) My duet with Rebecca is Rossini so I owe him all my love for all of those runs. Bless that man. The beach was stunning, of course! On the public beach, rocks wrapped around the shallow swimming area in a semi-circle, it looked like a scene from a book. (Minus the Italians in speedos and bikinis)

After an awkward bus ride where I got told I was beautiful in five languages by a 70-year-old man AND the pizzeria down the street, Rachel and I are now watching Friends in the hotel. (Wow what a run on, forgive me!) So yeah I guess you could say I am loving my time here! The Lord has been so faithful to watch over us and protect us everywhere we’ve been and I know He will continue to do so. Thank you all for your prayers and I will continue to be posting updates as we enter this first week!

A brief word on prayer for Italy. I’ve done some more research on evangelism in Italy, which I plan to write about in a later post. Coram Deo is a mission in Italy whose goal is to reach the hearts of Italians for the gospel.

Coram Deo

 is a Latin phrase meaning “in the presence of God.” R.C. Sproul writes, “

Coram Deo”

captures the essence of the Christian life… It literally refers to something that takes place in the presence of, or before the face of, God. To live 

coram Deo

 is to live one’s entire life in the presence of God, under the authority of God, to the glory of God” (Ligonier Blog, January 11, 2013

http://www.heartcrymissionary.com/italy)

What a beautiful reminder that we are constantly in His sight, and are in His presence even when we may not feel held or watched over. Italians live in the presence of all of these historic cathedrals and buildings which have housed believer after believer for centuries. They live amongst building designed for worship but are blind to the truth of who He is. They have in them a desire to worship something, but are at a loss of who or what should be the object of their worship. This reminds me of the Aeropagus Sermon in Acts 17 when Paul is preaching to the Athenians. He walks into a city full of pagan traditions and instead of running out and screaming at them in their debauchery and idolatry he instead says, “Men of Athens, I notice that you are very religious in every way.” He affirms them in their diligence in worship. He then goes on to tell them that the “Unknown god” is the One True God. The Creator of all things and the

only

one worthy of our worship.

Back to c

oram Deo,

the Christian life must be saturated in the presence of God and our worship of Him in all things. Nothing is sacred or secular. We are always on Holy ground when we are in His presence. We are always under the authority of Christ. (Matthew 28:18, Ephesians 1:21-23) And everything we do should glorify the Father, whether it be our words or actions, how we break and He makes us whole, or in our shortcomings He gives us strength. Even our sins which 1 John 2:12 says, “our sins are forgiven for His name sale.” He

still

gets the glory. 

First of Times

A bit of struggling occurred when trying to title this post. I was between "time of firsts" and "firsts of times" but decided on celebrating the first memories of many memories on this trip. First of all, I definitely over packed. Well you learn some you lose some! It’s my second day in Italy and I’m writing this post at 10 am on my first train ride! But more to that later. 

Yesterday, I got to lounge outside over a courtyard with a cappuccino while working on my music. Around 8 we left to take a walk around the Pantheon and the Trevvi Fountain in the night. Watching the sun go down was gorgeous, especially around some of the government buildings near our hotel. Seeing the great sights lit up was breathtaking. I found myself meandering on the steps of the Pantheon, weaving between columns. The marble was cold on my fingertips and the lights reflected off of them. It seemed more massive in this light than in the day. But instead of being intimidating it seemed more like an old friend watching over you. I wondered about all the different faces the marble walls had seen. Tourists and pilgrims. Worshippers and defacers. The givers and the thieves.

I started thinking of prayers for the people around me. No matter their background or religion. I did see something that surprised me though. There was a small group of people outside against the wall with some incense and pillows dancing with a live guitarist. It seemed a little New Age and I had a weird feeling in my stomach and got dizzy so I asked Jesus to be present there and left. Still not exactly sure what was going on but whatever it was broke my heart. A place to recognize faithful believers and martyrs of Christianity was now the steps of something else entirely. I don’t know what to think about this or what my response should be. I have prayed that He would break my heart for what breaks His.

On a different note, we awoke this morning bright and early after sleeping for the first time in about 48 hours! (I only slept for a little over an hour on the plane) After a delicious Italian breakfast we sat outside above the courtyard before embarking on the 20 minute walk to the train station. Now the train station was a new experience completely for me. The inside was more like an airport but not at all like

Hugo.

I heard so many new languages and accents it was whelming but in a good way! The only thing unnerving thing was that we had all of our luggage with us and had to cling to it tightly.

Now that I’m on a train I must say this is my favorite form of travel. We are on an Italo train which means we can journey from Rome to Bologna in 2 hours-so fast. But the view of the country is unbeatable. It also seems so much easier than plane travel. And of course I would prefer ANYTHING to bus or taxi cab.

I don’t have too much else to say except that waking up this morning was a little magical. I think first couple days in Italy are like that. I thought I was dreaming! But I’m actually HERE! The most magical place on earth.

UPDATE:

Have reached my “home” for the next three and a half weeks! Urbino, Italy! Said goodbye to my grandparents this afternoon and have already made some new friends and even learned a few more phrases! (Besides a couple normal ones like “How much does this cost?” I learned the

really

important ones for Bonnie, “Help me” and “I’m sorry.” No sooner did I learn

Ho bisogno del tuo aiuto

then my lemon soda spilled everywhere….

I’m staying in a hotel at the side of the mountain with a beautiful view! One quick thing before dinner. When I first walked in and saw the hostel like room, my heart sunk. No it’s not because it wasn’t clean or pretty or anything like that. It’s because my roommate wasn’t there yet and I realized I would be living here and I had no family or friends in that moment. I felt so alone. My anxiety crept in quickly and I nearly started crying, but the Lord stood with me and comforted me. I dropped my bags and began praying. I prayed over my room and Rachel. I prayed for our times in there, for sleep, and for His presence with us most of all. I’m so thankful the Spirit captured my thoughts in that moment.

I share this story to encourage you. We’ve all had days when we feel alone or closed in. When we feel we can’t break through the fear, guilt, loneliness, or shame of our circumstances.

But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me,

so that through me the message might be fully

proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it.

2 Timothy 3:17

We need to remind ourselves that He gives us the strength. Because of His quieting presence, I was able to proclaim truth to my heart which was trying to make me doubt the truth I know.

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed,

for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

So rest tonight, with the knowledge that he is faithful and He is with you always.

Opera in Italy

Ciao! I am aboard a plane bound for Roma, Italia and couldn’t be more excited! Definitely supposed to be asleep but that’s not happening so I thought I would write to you all. I realized my last post didn’t give too much info about where I’m going and what I will be doing there. As mentioned previously, this is my second trip to Italy. My last trip spring break of 2017 was memorable for so many reasons. I traveled with Ouachita Singers, the touring choir at my school, Ouachita Baptist. We traveled to Rome and Florence, sang concerts Loved strolling the cobble streets in Assisi and, of course, eating delicious gelato at Giolitti.

This trip will be a little different. I auditioned back in November for a study abroad program with a couple from Texas, Edward and Heather Crafts. Their wonderful “Opera in Concert in Italy” program gives the opportunity for me and other college students around the US to take Italian language classes at a university in Urbino, Italy. The best part of it all? I get to sing! I get six coachings and lessons in opera and get to perform in two concerts, showcasing what we’ve studied the three weeks we are in Urbino. That’s not all, of course! We will be making a couple excursions, including a weekend trip to Venice to see L'elisir d’amore by Donezetti. Yes, you read that correctly. I have the blessing of seeing an Italian opera in Italy. It’s so unreal!!

Needless to say, I’m delighted! In addition to the lovely people I will get to meet on this trip, a few of my friends from OBU will be attending with me. Among those are my two best friends Lizzie and Rachel. I’m looking forward to cappuccino and gelato dates, morning Bible studies, and maybe even some shoe shopping! Can’t wait to see what the Lord does in the cultivating of friendships and in the start of new ones.

So thankful for this opportunity and even more for every person who has made this trip possible! The scholarship, generous donations from friends and family, and of course my fundraising job later this summer.

Speaking of family contributions, my grandma is flying, well currently sleeping, next to me on the airplane! My grandparents decided they would sacrifice a week of their summer to travel with me to Bologna. (They of course were all too reluctant…) My parents, who have given the most to making this trip possible, are able to join me my last weekend in Urbino to see my final concert. We will then go on a tour of Italy since they haven’t been! I am anticipating getting to introduce them to Assisi and Florence, while also exploring some new locations like Verona. I have never been to the Tuscany region, but if it’s anything like Letters to Juliet I think I’ll be content.

About a week ago I was sharing a quiet minute with the Lord and as I asked Him for how I should pray for our trip I felt called to compose a list of sorts. I shared it with my group from OBU just to share how I would be praying and invited them to join me in the days leading up to our departure. I thought I would share that here. No pressure to join me, but if you feel led I would love to invite you on this adventure with me through prayer and thanksgiving.

Prayer for Italy adventure:

1.

For safety in travel, airplanes, trains, and passengers with us.

2.

For patience and kindness for one another and those we come in contact with. Especially as we get tired

3.

For protection in Urbino, coming to and from the school, when traveling on excursions, etc.

4.

For unexpected friendships to form and for growth in others. That we may encourage one another in Christ.

5.

That we may always be ready to give an account for the hope we have and to share the gospel in love and gentleness.

6.

That we would be prepared to learn and love it! That it wouldn’t be mundane but an experience of joy and the celebration of culture and love of learning.

7.

For every person on the trip as they prepare

8.

For the Crafts and our language professor. That they would be ready to encourage and instruct with excellence.

9.

For health, that no one would become ill and miss out on the experience of Italy.

10.

For those who we are leaving home, some of whom are sick or struggling, I pray we would be able to keep them in our prayers but also enjoy the time we are blessed with.

Much love to you all from Roma!

UPDATE:

We are here! It is 5 past 10:00 in Roma and around 2 am there in DFW. I am sitting at a hotel lobby in the heart of the city waiting for my hotel room to become available. Unbelievably thankful for this time I have with my Grandma and Papa. They've been incredible. At one point mid flight my Papa gave up his seat on the aisle to a young man so he and his girlfriend could sit together. They are just wonderful people. I met a husband and wife across the aisle named "M and G" and we played lots of trivia on the flight and laughed. Loved the holy laughter in such a crammed and dark place. Happy to be here and very happy to have made it through the hectic streets in one piece!! 

When in Roma

A year ago, on my last adventure in Italy, I never would’ve imagined I’d be returning so soon. I vividly remember my final night in Rome when I stayed up all night making memories and only got 45 minutes of actual sleep. (10/10 would recommend honestly-soak it all up!) I had a different ideal of my Italy adventures prior to stepping off the plane. Fantasies of faking being sick like Lizzie Mcguire and finding an Italian prince charming next to the Trevi Fountain or The Ponte Vecchio, or maybe running off to Tuscany and buying my own house and having my own adventures like a mix of 

Portrait of Emily Price 

and 

Under the Tuscan Sun. 

None of this would top the magical trip Audrey Hepburn takes in 

A Roman Holiday

-maybe without the sedative though. There is also the option of solving a romantic mystery like 

Letters to Juliet 

and taking a car ride through the Tuscan countryside and meeting a cute British guy who speaks English and can’t stand me.

Needless to say I had high expectations for my 8 days in Italy. Now fortunately to my sanity and the sanity of my mom, none of this actually happened. But I definitely had many other adventures, wandering the streets of Orvieto and Assisi, exploring the attic of the Puccini family’s home in Luca. I also had the amazing opportunity to sing in The Sistine Chapel, which was inspiring and I most definitely cried. And then cried again when I got forgotten while I stared at the ceiling for five minutes and had to be escorted out till I found my choir again. So thanks, y’all. My adventures were funny, incredible, and so so so fun to tell, so ask me about it sometime! I always have a story.

While there are many stories that stick out to me, one moment I remember making me so happy was on a free day in Rome. A few of my friends and I landed at a tiny café that had just opened and they made me a delicious sweet espresso in a tiny tiny cup. I couldn’t stop smiling because, of course, what’s better than espresso, tiny things, and good friends? Oh yeah, Rome. Anyways, sometimes I put myself back in that chair and that table outside the café and remember just how surreal it was. It can be so easy to get distracted with a fast paced itinerary and tourist attractions and forget to pause and simply enjoy. I took a snapshot that day. Not the one of my friend Cedar and I fake talking, but one in my mind’s eye and it still moves like a Hogwart’s portrait. Anytime I can go back and live in that moment and enjoy it.

Many many many moments like that happen every day, whether at school in choir, studying in the library, or eating in the stu. I have many of them at home with my little brother, in the car with my mom, or on a coffee date with my friend Melody. But for some reason the colors seem just a bit brighter in Italy. The Lord gives us these simple, beautiful moments to relish in them and remember that He is the giver. Even when the colors seem dull, he is the creative artist who gives color to my gray days and even just a glimmer of light will always interrupt the darkness.

As I return to Italy in a few days (Tuesday, I leave Tuesday…it’s crazy I can’t believe it!!!) I can’t help but remember one moment I had in Assisi on our last day there. We walked out of St. Francis Basilica and were captivated by the most gorgeous view of the countryside, it seemed to stretch out for miles and miles. It was stunning. But even more beautiful was a moment an Italian couple was sharing on a bench outside. Backdropped by the landscape, a young woman was sobbing in Italian as her husband knelt beside her holding their infant. I didn’t know what was wrong, nor did I need to know in order to realize the gravity and the intimacy of that moment. It brought tears to my eyes. It was just as beautiful to me as the landscape and just as memorable.

It makes me think, here in Texas. Not the Italian countryside. How many moments like this do I miss? How many times do I miss Him revealing these moments as if to say, “I’m with you, I see you, and I am not letting you walk this alone.” It’s remarkable how these moments captivate our hearts and help us to see His love for us differently. It’s easy to only see Him one way. He is omnipotent and omnipresent. All-powerful, yet all-seeing. With me always AND with you always.

View from Assisi

Look for one of these moments today. Whether you’re in Fort Worth, Arkansas, Poland, New York, Assisi, or Santa Fe.

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Read a few, Emma

I just HAVE to write. The thought has pulsed through my head nonstop for the past year. My biggest obstacle has always been starting. And the middle bit. And finishing. “Short stories,” I said to myself. “That is something I could tackle!” But this too I’ve found requires some determination and will, which I find lacking when I set pen to paper.

I’ve heard it said, a reader who has nothing to read must write. So then, wouldn’t the opposite be true? A writer who has nothing to write, must read.

“Emma has been meaning to read more ever since she was twelve years old. I have seen a great many lists of her drawing-up at various times of books that she meant to read regularly through—and very good lists they were—very well chosen, and very neatly arranged—sometimes alphabetically, and sometimes by some other rule… But I have done with expecting any course of steady reading from Emma. She will never submit to anything requiring industry and patience, and a subjection of the fancy to the understanding.”

This excerpt from Jane Austen’s Emma, spoken by Mr. Knightley about young Emma’s endeavor to read more, could be easily spoken about myself. I’ve drawn up many a “good list” of books to read but never can get through them all without some distraction or to be taken with another title. But like Emma, I’m always game for a challenge and I do believe I will be endeavoring to read more the rest of my life. (Now if Mr. Knightley would choose to brew me a cup of tea and sit with me, I think I would happily read the day away with very few qualms!)

I sat down to read early on in 2017. I was disappointed that college provided little time for pleasure literature. All of my fantasies of being snuggled in the corner of a library aisle with a big thermos of coffee and a Charles Dickens novel were severely injured by the fast paced, jam packed collegiant life. Besides the obvious, classes, studies, and obligations as a music major, I found any amount of free time with friends was always being challenged by Netflix, sleep, or exercise. There is no built in time for, as Mr. Darcy would eloquently state, “the improvement of her mind by extensive reading.”

I decided that this must be remedied. So I began by finishing books I had started and asking others for suggestions. I didn’t want to exclude myself to certain “intellectual” literature. I read anything and everything! Even if it meant four books by the same author whose first name is not Jane and last name not Austen. (Of course, I am referring to Katherine Reay for any Austen enthusiasts who need a breath of fresh air into the 21

st

century)

Wuthering Heights

by Emily Brontë

This was my first book when I began this adventure, and I must say the darkness took me by surprise. Jane Eyre is an old friend of mine and I return to her on multiple occasions when her inner courage and moral compass are grounding and inspiring to me. But Emily’s book held so much darkness and not so much redemption that I struggled to navigate it in one swift reading. I had to take a break at one point and read something a bit lighter because it was a little bit too much for me to handle. Especially since I do most of my reading late at night.

The Gilded Years

by Karin Tanabe

At one point, I will sit down and write the thorough book review this title deserves. I am very partial to books set in periods, because at heart I’m an old-fashioned girl and this book touched every heartstring in my body. Anita lives her life hiding behind her skin color in order to achieve an education. Something happens that makes her question why she needs to live unloved in order to hide. She finds acceptance, friendship, and even love. But it may threaten all of the safety she and her family have built for her. An AMAZING read! I read it over the summer and couldn’t put it down.

The Brontë Plot

by Katherine Reay

           This book took some digging through the back of a few Half Price Books to find. I fell in love with all of my favorite Austen characters all over again when I read Reay’s

Dear Mr. Knightley

and

Lizzie & Jane,

that this book wasn’t going to be left unread for long. I fell in love fast and hard with the world of old books, interior decorating, and the stories left behind by generations of English authors. It made me want to jump on a plane and fly to the moor where Cathy rode her pony and Mr. Rochester galloped on his brilliant black steed. In true Brontë style Reay writes a mystery that will keep you hanging on every word. I am currently reading

A Portrait of Emily Price,

which is not based on certain author or genre. I think it is a clear example of a 

reader who decided to write what she wanted to read.

Mansfield Park

by Jane Austen

Dr. Johnny Wink, one of my beloved English professors, ignored the fact that I’m a music major, and allowed me to partake in an Honors course on

*drum roll please* Jane Austen! We traversed three of her novels,

Mansfield Park, Emma,

and

Persuasion.

While I enjoyed all three exceedingly, the first was the only one I had not read prior to the course and was the one I enjoyed the least. Nonetheless, it did showcase an aspect of Austen’s writing that I find most amusing. Satire. I find many of her characters in this novel are not so much meant to admire, like Mr. Darcy, Elinor Dashwood, or Jane Bennet. But instead, to scrutinize the character’s flaws and philosophies. I still find it an interesting read though maybe not as romantic as her other novels, but very amusing. Especially if you find discovering selfish motivation and justification of one’s actions and ideas diverting.

I

started

a few other books, but these four I believe are worth highlighting as my 2017 reads. For 2018, I want to continue my exposure to the classics. But also to male authors.. You’ll find in the above material, all of the names are female. As are many of my favorite authors, Montegomery, Alcott, Austen, Brontë, Rowling, Reay, etc. I plan to read a Thomas Hardy, Charles Dickens, maybe even another George Eliot. (Just kidding..)

I would love to hear what you are reading. Or if you have any suggestions for me as I make my 2018 reading list. Here's to another year of fictional adventures!

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How to: Cast out Love

     I would love to say this season of college auditions, contests, and performances has taught me that I have more confidence than I thought I did... Or it really wasn't a big deal and I never felt so sick I didn't think I could get out of bed at 6 in the morning again. But my nose would most certainly grow in the face of that lie.

     The truth is, I've learned about fear. I went back and forth on whether to post this, because I feel the devil and fear get more than enough air time in our culture as it is. But I would like to share a few things. 

     In the book of Joshua, The Lord is raises up Joshua as a "Warrior Poet", so to speak. A man of God. But as we study this book, I find that God is constantly reminding Joshua to have courage. Wait, this warrior is fearful?? Even with the promise of God hemming him in?? In Joshua 1:6-7,9 the Lord says, "Be strong and courageous, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land that I swore to their fathers to give them. Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go...Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” 

He says THREE times, "be strong and courageous". I remember being told once by a teacher that if the Lord says "therefore" or repeats himself three times, I should probably be listening. He is COMMANDING Joshua to have courage, but he doesn't just expect him to find it on his own. He promises to PROVIDE! 

"Fear not, for I am with you;

be not dismayed, for I am your God;

I will strengthen you, I will help you,

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10) 

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7) 

     Recently, I arrived to a huge audition so nervous I couldn't drink my coffee and so exhausted I struggled to remain upright. At 8 am all the auditioners were collected in a small auditorium to hear the Dean of the music school. I remember trying to hang on his every word, terrified I'd fall asleep and they'd send me packing before I even got to do a jazz square. Honestly, I don't remember much of his important speech, but there was one thing he said that truly stuck out to me. He told us it was okay if we were nervous, but that we shouldn't have fear. "Fear creates a barrier between you and your audience. Like a thin film veiling what you have to offer." I had never thought of fear like that, I just thought it was the annoying thing that made my singing voice crack in highschool.

     1 John 4:18, "

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." Love casts out fear, but it is also true that fear casts out love. Fear creates a barrier between you and your audience, those the Lord has placed in your life, and Himself. 

      Choosing to let fears, doubt, and uncertainty que your life, is choosing to reject God's role for you. (Excuse the thespian-ese for a moment) 

One of my favorite authors, Bob Goff, said this, "Don't let uncertainty steal your identity. You are His. He is yours." 

      When you believe the identity Christ has given you, it liberates you to love and live well. We are not called to fear less, but to be fearless children of God.

Most Ardently

I have found him. The perfect lover. He calls me Beloved. He greets me every morning with words of love and joy. His unconditional love offers grace when I'm less than perfect. It doesn't alter or fade with the weather. I don't deserve this love. But who does?

No, my lover is not Mr. Darcy or Col. Brandon.  His raptures go above and beyond the passions of Mr. Rochester and his displays of affection far surpass the noble acts of Mr. Knightley.  His beauty is not superficial like that of Tom Hiddleston or Ryan Gosling, on the contrary, He is radiant. I found this quote today in my copy of "The Gold Cord" by Amy Carmichael. 

"Here lies a lover who has died for his Beloved, and for love; who has loved his Beloved with a love that is good, great, and enduring; who has battled bravely for love's sake, who has striven against false love and false lovers; a lover ever humble, patient, loyal, ardent, liberal, prudent, holy and full of all good things, inspiring many lovers to honor and serve his Beloved." -Raymond Lull

What greater lover is there than Christ?? 

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13 ESV

The lovers I mentioned above and countless others, fictional and nonfictional, are only shadows of the love of Christ. The Word of God says he is abounding in steadfast love (Psalm 86:15). There is also no possible way to be separated from Christ's love as believers. (Romans 8:37-39) 

I find the end of this quote is my favorite. "Inspiring many lovers to honor and serve his Beloved."  The Story is ultimately the greatest love story ever written! What story does not try to mimic its arc? We all want to be called Beloved by a Mr. Darcy. But try as we might, fictional and nonfictional lovers are all flawed human beings/types. Every lover is only inspired by the true lover and can never satisfy the craving for love within us. Only Christ can fulfill the desire of our heart. 

The second truth I pull from the final sentence of Lull's quote, is that Christ doesn't just inspire "other" lovers... He inspires me as a lover. If Christ is the perfect lover than shouldn't we imitate Him in our love? We should love as Christ loves us and gave himself for us. (John 13:34) If you haven't already, I would suggest the exercise of reading aloud 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, and substituting the word "love" for your own name. Striving to be like Christ reveals in a new way that we are flawed, and brings us back to the realization that we don't deserve HIS love! 

Christ's love is passionate, enduring, and ardent. (I just really love that word, "ardent", ok!!??) 

YOU ARE LOVED!!!!! (Most ardently!!!)

That Lovely Fact

     Maybe you feel less than perfect today. Broken hearted? Or just a little unworthy of the responsibilities that are in store today. Then this word is for you. And me.

     Psalm 49:19 "When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer."

23 

     Psalm 37:23-24 "The 

Lord

 directs the steps of the godly. 

He delights in every detail of their lives. Thoug 

they stumble, they will never fall,

for the 

Lord

 holds them by the hand."

"Do you know that lovely fact about the opal? That in the first place, it is made only of desert dust, sand, and silica, and owes its beauty and preciousness to a defect. It is a stone with a broken heart. It is full of minute fissures which admit air, and the air refracts the light. Hence its lovely hue and that sweet lamp of fire that ever burns at its heart, for the breath of the Lord God is in it. You are only conscious of the cracks and desert dust, but so He makes His precious opal. We must be broken in ourselves before we can give back the lovely hues of His light, and the lamp in the temple can burn in us and never go out." - Ellice Hopkins

Legalism v. Set Apartness

As a child, I had standards. And I don't mean standards of who my friends were, or what little boy could hold my hand on the playground. (all though, those things did matter) I don't know if it was my upbringing or just my heart that constantly strived to be "good." In truth, a persons's standards or absolutes vary on their perspective of the world. I wish I could tell you that my standards were entirely formed from the Bible, but that would be a lie. (And "good girls" don't tell lies.) There were unspoken laws and barriers I made for myself so I could remain "good." I wanted to prove to God, my parents, and myself that I was beyond fault. But deep down, what I didn't want anyone to find out, especially God, was that I was fault-filled.

I said I believed in the gospel and even preached it on occasion, but I chose not to accept the core melody of the gospel-grace. I loved grace. I was eager to forgive and seek the best in all, but myself. The definition of legalism, is that salvation is gained through good works. In other words, striving to earn or achieve our own salvation by our obedience to God, instead of accepting the gift of salvation offered by The Father. Legalism is self-effort, true set apartness is enabling-grace.

In Romans 3, Paul is refuting the statement that Jews (who practiced the traditions of Judaism and believed Jesus Christ was the Messiah) were more righteous than Gentiles (non-Jews). They believed they were righteous because of their works, but Paul says, "Therefore no one will be declared righteous in God's sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we became conscience of our sin." (Romans 3:20) So the law was not given so we could earn our salvation, but so we could see how wretched we are. Jesus Christ did not look at Bonnie Gentry and think, "that girl is so perfect and holy, I think I'll die for her." No. Claiming to be perfect or trying to earn my salvation cheapens the cross of Christ. Paul continues, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." (Romans 3:23-24)

When I declare I am a Christian, I am saying that I am so wretched and so sinful that someone has to die for me. Now I am a new creation and am being transformed into the image of my Savior. I am being sanctified and am called to live a life of set apartness.

 "He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time." (2 Timothy 1:9)