I was attempting to explain to a friend the other day why it is so difficult for me to hear truth as truth during a panic attack. In my attempt to explain, I realized a couple of truths and found myself describing something that I feel may be a helpful analogy for anyone who struggles or knows someone who fights panic attacks.
1. Logic does not help a panic attack for the simple fact that panic attacks are anything but!
I feel like this needs little explaining considering the very idea of a panic attack is illogical. You get stuck inside your head and therefore have the feeling your body is taking control and there’s nothing you can do. The fact that you are therefore fighting against your own thoughts/body is already a terrifying thought and so fighting this with simple logic will not help.
2. Though panic attacks seem extremely emotionally driven and the sensation feels similar to that of “going crazy,” to simply validate one’s emotions isn’t helpful either
. Often the emotions one feels during a panic attack are illogical or even phobic and so validating those fears or emotions may just increase the adrenaline because it means there is something to be fearful of (even if it’s one’s own emotions).
3. Asking your friend experiencing the attack frequent questions about what they are experiencing or asking how you can help may make it worse.
I know you want to be helpful! But you really aren’t…Being asked what you’re experiencing or what someone can do to help sometimes makes you feel you have to answer or that what you’re doing is wrong and needs to help. It’s honestly best to live them to their own ways of coping. I’ve been known to apologize profusely or attempt to explain my behavior in the moment which can lead to more pronounced symptoms like hyperventilating, etc. because we want to
fix it.
4. Finally my analogy for why it is seemingly impossible to recognize truth as truth during a panic attack.
I cannot pretend to coin the analogy of a panic attack feeling like drowning, but I will ask you to think back to a time when you were underwater. Now imagine you are holding your breath beneath the surface and you can see colors and movement above but can’t make clear images out. You may even be able to heard murmurs and some shouts but it’s so muddled to recognize as intelligible. You feel trapped and want to breathe which seems logical because you are holding your breath, but then you realize that if you were to take a breath now beneath the surface you would surely drown. So instead you must wait until you reemerge at the surface and can see and hear things clearer and are safe to draw in breath. During a panic attack every thought, feeling, or image you think of its being filtered through a film that is muddled and unclear. This film can be made up of anything from lies from someone in the past, to thoughts of yourself, or even PTSD images of something that’s been done to you. Everything is then felt and seen through that filter, so that even if its truth, it may be so distorted to the point that it is unrecognizable as a truth. It could even be something so known by you that a part of you can recognize it as a truth but it’s not affecting or changing the fact that your still in this. That’s like hearing or seeing things partially through the surface of the water but not being able comprehend what you’re truly hearing or seeing. Another important part of a panic attack is that they aren’t actually meant to be fought. The more you try to fight it, which may seem like the logical choice (like breathing underwater) may result in a more painful or prolonged attack.
What can I do??
Now you might be thinking, “Well Bonnie, if my friend is having a panic attack I feel so helpless and now you’ve taken away all of my options of helping! What do I do?"
Everyone has their different ways of coping or my favorite term
allowing-through
a panic attack. What works for me may not work for my friend. But I know for myself, being left on my own is sometimes the best. I can be alone or with you but it’s most helpful if you don’t interfere with my process. I’ve been known to send someone for a cup of water or painkiller if they were being too “help-y.” I’ve also had kind friends simply sit with me and allow me to do my thing and wait for me to ask for help-which may never happen. As I said before, continuous questions lead to explanations and apologies which are not helpful.
(Obviously I can NOT stress this enough!)
It’s important to remember that anxiety isn’t going to hurt you. And something that can’t hurt you doesn’t have power over you. By allowing through the attack you are telling your body that everything is okay and that the temporary discomfort you are experiencing now will not last forever. It takes courage to stand up to anxiety, but the reward is freedom from the fears that threaten your peace.
Breathe out, allow discomfort, and breathe in stillness.